Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
