i need an iv and a liver transplant
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
