"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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