we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
