I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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