I accidentally had phone sex last night
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
