I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
