i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
