Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
