I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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