She said her name was "party"
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
A+ Viking dick
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
