it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
