I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
