Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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