Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
farters have to be the big spoon...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
