Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
wanna go halves on a baby?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
