I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Randomize
