do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
