So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
