New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
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