Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
So much rum. So many feels.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
