Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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