He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm too high and old for this...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
