she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
now i know why i became what i already was.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
