he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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