Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Randomize
