So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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