I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Holy shit dude........stairs
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
