It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
