Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
