my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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