This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
