After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
