Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Randomize
