Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
