I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
