Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
