so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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