Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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