holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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