so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
