I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Randomize
