I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
