you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
