He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
