Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
and she was petting her beer can
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
