You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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