I faked an abortion last night.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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