thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
