I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
